The Holy Family as a dysfuncional family

Last week I attended a conference on Marriage and Family.  This conference gave me hope because those attending were proclaiming the truth about God’s plan for marriage and family.  One of the speakers talked about the Holy Family.  He commented that the story of the Holy Family is our story.  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph would be considered a dysfunctional family today.  Mary was fourteen or fifteen when she married Joseph who was a much older man.  Then, she got pregnant, even before they started living together.  It was common in those times for a couple to get married and then to return to the homes of their parents so that the man could prepare a place where he could live with his bride.  That’s why Mary and Joseph were married but not yet living together.  Imagine Joseph’s surprise when he realized that Mary was pregnant.  But he didn’t rant about it but planned, as was the custom at the time, to divorce her quietly.   Then an angel came to Joseph to tell him that Mary was to give birth to the Messiah.  Joseph accepted this shocking news and lived a chaste life with Mary.

Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem for a census and gave birth to Jesus in a cave.  In today’s terms, they were homeless.  After Jesus’ birth, an angel came to Joseph in a dream and told him to take Mary and Jesus to Egypt to escape the wrath of Herod who was killing the young boys.  So, they were forced to go to a foreign land as immigrants until Herod died and this threat passed.

When Jesus was twelve, they took him to the temple as was the custom at the time.  But, Mary and Joseph both left without Jesus.  Jesus was lost for three days in the temple of the big city of Jerusalem.  Imagine how Mary and Joseph felt in losing not only their son, but the Son of God.

Joseph died sometime after this before Jesus began his public ministry.  So, Mary was a single mother.  She watched as Jesus was tortured and died a brutal death on the cross.  As a mother, she kept all these things in her heart.

August 15th is the feast of the Assumption, when Mary is raised body and soul into heaven.  She is now in heaven as our model, our mother, our inspiration, and our hope.  All of us hope to be in heaven one day with God the Father, as she is.  All of us have experienced some difficulties in our life, especially in our marriages and our families.  But, I’m sure none of us have experienced the same level of difficulties that Mary experienced.  She carried her cross every day as she kept all these things in her heart.  She was obedient and constantly followed God’s will, even when it brought her times of suffering.

So, today, as we celebrate the feast of the Assumption, let us give thanks for the trials in our lives.  Let us take up the cross that God has given us and follow Him as Mary did along the road of Golgotha.  Let us not measure our success based upon dollars, or upon power, or recognition.  Instead, let us measure our successes based upon our willingness to follow God’s plan for our lives.  Let us celebrate our gifts of marriage and family, even the gifts which bring us pain and suffering.  And let us carry and even rejoice in our cross knowing that each step along the path of life with our cross brings us closer to our heavenly destiny when we will be in heaven, body and soul with Mary and our heavenly Father.

A reflection on divorce and Jesus' teachings

In today’s Gospel, some Pharisees ask Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife.  Jesus replied that what God has joined together man must not separate.  He also commented that Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. 

This teaching is difficult for many to accept because of the many divorces which we see in our society today.  Clearly, marriage is under attack with many young couples living together before they get married and others deciding not to marry at all.  Sometimes it seems like marriage is becoming obsolete.  And some are even trying to redefine marriage to include same sex relationships.  So, Jesus words to us today are very timely as he says:  “From the beginning, the Creator made them male and female.  For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 

Today, those of us who are married must witness by our words and our actions to our marriage covenant.  Our young people need to know that a marriage which lasts forever is not only possible, but is part of God’s plan for most of us.  If we follow that plan and abide by the teachings of his Church, our  marriages will be an image of Jesus’ love for each one of us.

Last week I attended the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers conference.  There were about 400 people at the conference including 4 bishops, 10 priests, and about 30 deacons.  It was an inspiring and an informative conference for me.  There were speakers and vendors at the conference who focused on every aspect of marriage including marriage preparation, making good marriages better, saving troubled marriages, dealing with divorce, and meeting the needs of widows and widowers.  In these times when marriages are under attack, it was great to meet so many talented and holy people who are focusing their efforts in this area.  Everyone that I met reaffirmed the Church’s teaching on marriage and family.  At times, in our confused world, it can seem like all is lost and that the devil has won the war for the hearts and minds of our young families.  But, attending a conference like this one and finding so many people who are proclaiming the truth regarding marriage and family in their parish or their diocese, gives me hope that there are many hearts and minds yet to be won in this battle.

After attending this conference, I have access to lots of resources concerning marriage and family life.  If you or someone you know is struggling in this area, come see me and I’ll try to point you towards someone or something which might be of assistance.

Pope John Paul II tells us that "The family finds in the plan of God the Creator and Redeemer not only its identity, what it is, but also its mission, what it can and should do."   Our mission, as husbands and wives, is, first and foremost, to build our domestic Church, to build the kingdom of God on earth.  As our families go, so goes our nation, our Church, and our world.  Please join me in praying for families and marriages during these confusing times.